THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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