I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
