You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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