Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
North Korea, Best Korea!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
