I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
