I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
