I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
