Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
