Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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