Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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