Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
