There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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