new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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