I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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