Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
