Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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