this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry about my life...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
