There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
