omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
