I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
