i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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