I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
