I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
