I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
