You just made me feel so damn special
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blood and glitter go together right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
