At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
