i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
