honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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