i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
