everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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