you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
