I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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