so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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