So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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