wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
