So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sarcasm needs its own font
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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