Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
