Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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