you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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