Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
