Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
