is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
