I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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