The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
