They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
