Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
