just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
