if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
