Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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