She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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