the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My vagina is officially offended.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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