half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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